Three Habits That Build A Team
In my previous post I discussed three "team killers," habits that are easily picked up and have the potential to spread through a team, organization, family, school, church, or any collection of people that are intended to work together for common good. There could be a lot more than three habits that kill a team, but the ones I chose to discuss were COMPLAINING, BLAMING and EXCUSES. If you have not yet read that post, I would suggest going back and reading it first, then follow it up by reading this one.
In coaching, I always try to accentuate something positive whenever I need to point out something negative. For example, if I see that a player is developing a bad habit that is throwing his mechanics off just enough to cause him to make errors, of course that is something that needs to be corrected. This is a situation where I would say we have to "coach him up." However, rather than going in strong and focusing only on the negative – what he is doing wrong – I like to emphasize something he is doing well as a way of giving him something to build on while we point out something negative that we want him to correct. This is, by definition, constructive criticism.
I don't really like that term, "constructive criticism," because it sounds so paradoxical. And, I feel like coaching is much different than criticism. Yes, as a coach you must point out the negative things along with ways to correct them, but that can be done without feeling like criticism. This is a great key to coaching, and it is one of the things that separates the great ones. They have a knack for "coaching them up" in a way that reminds players that they are still for them by giving them plenty to build with. Correcting negative habits, then, does not feel like destruction. It feels like construction.
So let's build today. Let's discuss three habits that BUILD a team. Here they are:
POSITIVE ENERGY
(in place of complaining)
RESPONSIBILITY
(in place of blaming)
ACCOUNTABILITY
(in place of excuse-making)
Replace complaining with POSITIVE ENERGY. There are basically two kinds of people on any given team: energy givers and energy takers. Life givers and life suckers (vampires). Faucets and drains.
When you are part of a team, you will inevitably be one or the other. And you have the opportunity to choose which you will be. The question I keep wondering about is, why would anyone choose negativity? Yet, so many people do, day in and day out.
Choosing negativity over positivity is a choice that is mostly done subconsciously. Our negative thoughts and strong emotions seem to come to the surface automatically. That would seem to indicate that we just can't help it, right? That it is out of our control? If you feel this way, you are just not aware of how much power you actually have over this.
Being negative is a choice. It may be difficult to overcome, but it is still a choice that can be changed. A reason why so many do not overcome negativity is because they don't even realize they are being negative and/or they have never been taught how to behave otherwise. Being positive is a skill, which means it must be built. It is not going to just happen naturally.
When it comes to teams, positivity will outperform negativity every time. Teams that focus on the positive are naturally more productive, while teams that focus on the negative are naturally more likely to complain, blame and make excuses.
It is right about now that someone typically asks, "But isn't being positive all the time disingenuous? We can't just ignore reality and live in some kind of positive fairy tale land. Life is pretty negative sometimes. Bad things happen, and frustrations are real."
Of course! I am not suggesting we fake it. Positive people are not pretending that negative things do not exist. Positive people are just not fixated on the negative. Being positive does not mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative.
When some people hear the words "be positive" they roll their eyes because they think we are talking about jellybeans and puppies, just think happy thoughts. That's not at all what we are talking about. Positive people are not positive because their lives are easy. Quite the opposite! We are positive because life can be hard! And why on earth would we want to make it harder by being negative?
Apply this to your sports teams, your business organizations, your families and your schools. The game is hard enough. Being negative only makes it harder to compete. Being positive is about being PRODUCTIVE. When we are productive we are creating positive energy, and that is the fuel that builds champions!
I mentioned earlier that one reason why we are not more positive is because we need to learn how to build the skill to help us choose positivity over negativity. It is not just going to happen. You have to choose it, and you cannot choose to engage in something that you have not prioritized or made intentional. Here are a few ideas for how to build skill in being more positive:
Start every day with a routine that includes meditation, prayer, and expressing gratitude. It is impossible to be fixated on thankfulness and negativity at the same time. So the more gratitude you express throughout the day, the less negative you will become.
Negativity tends to create lots of lies about situations. Instead of listening to the negative lies, choose to feed yourself with the positive truth. The truth is that no matter what is happening around you and regardless of what negative thoughts pop into your head, you always have the power to take positive action.
Learn to "press pause." When bad things happen or negative situations arise, our immediate and most prevalent response is always going to be to react impulsively. Impulsive reactions typically pile negativity on top of negativity. To combat this, tell yourself to "pause" before making any kind of response. Go take a walk, take some deep breaths, and begin thinking of positive ways to approach the problem.
Focus on solutions. Whenever a problem arises, ask yourself, "Do I have any influence to bring about positive change or solutions to this problem?" If so, make that your focus. Recognize the problem, identify what needs to be done and begin working toward solutions. The opposite of this is remaining fixated on the problem and continuing to talk about the problem over and over again.
Be resilient. Sometimes there is no solution. Sometimes the problem is completely out of your control or your realm to influence in a positive way. In these cases, you have two choices: (1) You can fixate on the problem and sulk, moan and be negative about it, or (2) You can figure out ways to navigate through it with a positive mindset. The fact is, you cannot solve all problems. But that doesn't mean the only answer is to give in to negativity and complaining. Actually, that makes the problem worse and makes you look weak. Resilience, on the other hand, makes you stronger.
Be in control of your feelings. Feelings are internal. They are inside of you, which means you are ultimately in control of how you feel. Don't ever give up that control to any circumstance or outside event. Allow nothing external to determine your mood. Choose joy. Choose to give positive energy to others whether you feel like it or not. Choice is liberating, and you have the option to choose.
Be a person who creates positive energy. In doing so you will be giving life to your team.
The second habit that builds a team is to replace blaming with RESPONSIBILITY. Over the past year I have failed. There have been many things that I have wanted to accomplish but I failed. There have been times when I made poor decisions, times when I reacted in ways I shouldn't have, times when I did not treat my family with the love and respect that they deserve. Failure is inevitable. In fact, I probably fail at least once a day in some way or another. And here is perhaps one of the most important choices I can make on a daily basis – I take full responsibility for and ownership of these failures.
I have learned that without regular failure, you cannot have long-lasting and consistent success. Fear of failure is one of the big reasons why we are tempted to shy away from responsibility. The irony is, if we fail to take responsibility, we fail in our jobs, we fail our teams, and we fail to grow as individuals.
Whereas blaming is a huge team-killer, taking responsibility is a huge team-builder. "A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else" (John Burroughs). One of the most important principles in personal development is the idea of taking 100% responsibility for your life. Similarly, one of the most important principles of team building is taking 100% responsibility for your actions, words, behaviors and especially your failures. Any teammate that looks to blame someone or something else for their failures is a teammate that loses the trust of his or her team. And when you begin to lose trust among teammates, the team begins to break down.
One thing I need to point out about responsibility is that I am not talking about internalizing blame, or blaming yourself. Blaming is never a positive thing, even when we blame ourselves. Blaming yourself and taking responsibility are not the same thing.
When we blame ourselves, we moan and feel sorry for ourselves. Blame might cause other people to complain and gripe about the situation also. It just never amounts to anything positive.
Taking responsibility, on the other hand, is to take that exact same negative experience and transform it in your mind into something useful. Being responsible is having a useful and resourceful response to an otherwise negative thing.
That's responsibility.
To make this point even more practical, let me juxtapose a few characteristics that differ between teammates who blame vs teammates who take responsibility.
Teammates who blame...
often do not recognize and follow through on their commitments and responsibilities
rely on others to remind and motivate them into performing
expect to be praised and rewarded when they have done little to deserve it
play the victim role, pout, and complain when things do not go their way
offer lame excuses for why they did not get the job done (again)
blame coaches or teammates for their self-inflicted problems, mistakes, and failures
usually have their parents fighting their battles and cleaning up their messes for them
Teammates who take responsibility...
recognize and own the power of their choices, decisions and actions
constantly and consistently make helpful choices and minimize harmful choices
praise others and build them up
discipline themselves regularly so others do not have to
make no excuses or cast no blame on others when something does not get accomplished
stand on their own two feet, speaking for themselves to coaches and administrators
Be a person who takes responsibility. In doing so you will be building incredible trust with your team.
The third habit that builds a team is to replace excuses with ACCOUNTABILITY. A strong and successful team is always working to create a culture of accountability. What do I mean by a "culture of accountability"?
Patrick Lencioni, in his bestselling book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, writes that accountability "refers specifically to the willingness of team members to call their peers on performance or behaviors that might hurt the team." He says that avoidance of accountability comes from team members avoiding the discomfort of confronting one another about their performance and behavior. Strong and successful teams work to build a culture of accountability.
But be careful, because if you do not have a team that is built on positive energy and responsibility, it can be a real challenge and nearly impossible to create a culture of accountability. With accountability, comes trust. Trust that your teammates all have the same goal in mind – the best interest of the team.
When the team's goals are above anyone's individual goals, accountability is possible. When teammates get more excited about team accomplishments than personal opportunities, then accountability is likely occurring.
There is another attribute that must accompany accountability in order for it to be most effectual. LOVE.
Alan Mulally, former CEO of Ford and one of the greatest leaders in history once said, "You have to love your people. They have to know you care about them. But you also have to hold them accountable to the values, principles, culture and standards."
Too much love and not enough accountability might cause a team to love the coach and enjoy being together but they will not become great because when there are behaviors that fall below standards of success, no one will hold them to the higher standard. Too much accountability and not enough love might cause a team to initially strive to be great but eventually they will detach and fall short of their potential. If you have love without accountability you will be a loving bunch but not a great team. If you have accountability without love you will see dysfunction and burnout. You need both.
Ultimately, the three main habits all work together. When positive energy, responsibility, and accountability are the foundation of a team's culture, that team is going to thrive and it will be a team that has the character to reach its highest potential.