"Expectations" In Youth Ball

This week's blog begins with a quoted social media post that I recently read from the account @baseballdudes on Instagram and Facebook. I wanted to share this with the community of coaches, fathers, mothers, athletes and all in general who follow my blog. Then, I will offer a few thoughts of my own.

Woah… Slow down…

He’s 8… He’s 9… He’s 10… He’s 11… He’s 12… He’s 13…

They are kids. They trip for no reason when they are walking. Their knees hurt because they are growing. They are starting to go through puberty. Their social life is becoming more and more important to them. They’re kids!

We as adults seem to forget this. They have a bad day, it doesn’t matter how much they train or who their coach is, it’s going to happen. It’s just that, a bad day. We have to keep this in perspective. If you played growing up, don’t forget how hard it was. If you didn’t, it may be hard to truly understand, maybe go out on the field and try to do everything they are doing.

These kids love the game. They just want to play with their buddies and have a good time. They train to be the best they can be and we take that very serious, but let’s not forget that this is a game. In the end, they should never have a bitter taste in their mouth because of a coach whose priorities were in the wrong place and treated their players like garbage. They should not hate Baseball because of how their parents talked AT them when they had an off day. It’s not easy to hit. It’s not easy to locate every pitch you throw. It’s not easy to field a ground ball on a bumpy youth field. IT’S NOT EASY!

I have been in the dugout for many games (who knows how many youth games and approx. 3,400 professional games) and unless your last name is Jeter, and you are on a winning team nearly every year, you WILL most likely see just as many losses as you will wins, over the course of your baseball life. It’s just a game. I love to compete, but I’m here to tell you, that losing is not the end of the world. They won’t win every game just as they won’t lose every game. In fact, the truth is, EVERY player will grow more from those loses than they will from success, as failure is a much better teacher.

Coaches and Parents, the wins don’t mean anything AND the losses don’t mean anything. It’s the experience they are gaining. It’s them getting to do what they are passionate about. It’s them developing great life skills along the way.

Find a coach. Find coaches. Find a program. Find an organization that understands this. One that focuses more on the person than they do the win. Find those with a passion for the kids and teaching. Find those with experience and knowledge. Find those who have, and have proved to have, a mindset on development, no matter what time of year it is.

THIS IS YOUTH BASEBALL, not the big leagues. Keep your Expectations realistic.

Just a few thoughts. I really enjoyed reading this, and thought it would go well with the theme of this blog. Much of it resonated with me as someone who has failed in many of the ways that are described. Much of it is something I still see at youth ballparks, no matter where I go (middle class parks, lower class parks, or upper class parks... it's no different).

And, to be honest, if you are the one who's guilty of this behavior, it is often something you will never recognize until you are out of the context of it yourself. No parent feels like they are too hard on their kids. Everyone has justification for why they need to provide extra coaching points before and after the game. Some even say, "It's what my son (or daughter) wants. They want me to critique them."

I don't care how competitive your kid is, rarely do they ever really want your constant critique. They just know that you're going to give it to them anyway. So, because they really do want to please you and get your approval, and because they know that you want them to want your critique, they acquiesce.

Sometimes when I talk to young kids about ballgames and their experiences while playing, I will ask them a multiple choice question like this:

"What is your favorite thing for your mom and dad to do while they are watching you play?"

(A) Offer coaching advice

(B) Yell at the refs or umps

(C) Cheer for you

(D) None of the above (just sit quietly and watch)

Which answer would you guess that I hear most often? If you said a combination of "C" and "D" you are correct. Guess which answer I have NEVER heard... not one time... from any kid? Answer "B."

No child enjoys hearing his parents yell at officials. Yet, guess what we spend 75% or more of the time doing at ballgames? We're all guilty. I include myself. However, we also have the ability to CHOOSE to behave differently.

I have found it fascinating that some kids will even say answer "D," that they would rather we sit quietly and say NOTHING at all during the games. Actually, I asked my own daughter this question the other night, and her first instinctual answer was "D." Then she followed it up with, "Well, I don't mind if you cheer for the team."

So, because of the way she said that, I followed up with another question. I asked, "Which do you like better, when we cheer loud for YOU or when we cheer loud for the TEAM?"

Without hesitation she said, "THE TEAM." I have a suspicion that most kids would answer that question the same way. As parents and adults, we often are so focused on our own individual kids and their individual experience of the game that we miss the greatest value of their athletic experience... the value of TEAM. Your children want you to love their team as much as they do.

Okay, back to the original point about EXPECTATIONS.

There is one thing I would like to add to the post from Baseball Dudes. The post began with "Whoah... Slow down... He's 8... He's 9... He's 10... He's 11... He's 12... He's 13..." and then everything that was said after that was a good description of a child's experience within that age range.

However, as they get older, expectations do evolve and increase. While winning and losing truly doesn't matter in those younger years, it does begin to matter a little more the older they get. Winning and losing does become more of a factor in the athletic experience in high school, in college, and certainly in professional levels. Again, the higher the level, the higher the factor. Just ask anyone who has ever been interviewed by an A.D. for a coaching position whether or not they felt like winning was going to matter. It does.

But... I've never seen a kid jump directly from 12U to the pros. I've never seen one jump from 8U directly to high school.

Let's give them room to develop. Let's give them opportunity to grow in their skills. Let's allow them to increase their competitive edge at their own natural pace. It comes at different ages for different kids. Be patient with them. Love them. Enjoy them.

And finally, don't assume what's NOT being said here. No one is saying to not challenge them. No one is saying to not encourage them to do everything they can to be the best they can be. This is simply about aligning expectations. Making sure that OUR expectations match THEIR expectations... especially while they are in those younger, developmental years of athletic experience.

The other day I was talking with a friend about preparing our teams for winning championships. We like to put goals in front of them and give them something to aim for in their training sessions. Usually those goals refer to the ultimate prize. For example, "Huntington Park Challenge" is an off-season motivation phrase we used with our baseball team, which of course implies that in order to make it to the State Championship game played in Huntington Park, getting stronger, faster and better in the off-season is a must. This year I am helping train the Athens High School softball team, and the phrase is "180-Challenge" (the number of miles between Athens High School and Firestone Stadium in Akron, where the State Championship is played). There's nothing wrong with aiming for those goals.

But here's an even better mindset, in my opinion. Let's not focus all of our attention on winning a championship. Instead, let's put the main emphasis of our focus on BECOMING A CHAMPION. Only one team gets to win a championship at the end of the year. But, having a team full of champions year in and year out is what makes everything worth it, year in and year out.

That is one expectation that is relevant for any age.