What Would I Do Differently: College Move-In Thoughts

If I could rewind to the beginning of my own college career and start that chapter of life all over again, what kinds of things would I do differently? This question was the nature of my thoughts during the week before we moved in Brock at Alderson Broaddus University. That week I sat down and wrote him sort of a manifesto of things that answered this question.

In my mind, it was the best going-away gift I could give him – the gift of learning from my experience. So, I compiled for him a list of things that I would do differently... or things I would do more of... or things I would certainly give more attention to, and wrote it down in the form of a letter. I'm not going to share the letter in its entirety, that's just for my son and me. But I am glad to share a few of the main principles and points that I wrote to him, because I believe they fit well with the general theme and vision of this blog.

Going away to college, making new friends and beginning new adventures is one of those rare moments in life when a person pretty much gets to start again. Don’t get me wrong, the choices, behaviors and habits that we developed yesterday, weeks ago, months ago or years ago will always have influence on where we are in this present moment, so we are never purely starting over. Every choice we make and action we take in life is attached to the outcomes we receive later in life. We will always reap a harvest today of whatever kind of seed we have chosen to plant before this day.

But what I mean about "starting again" is, college is a huge transition point in life. It is a point in time when you get to re-evaluate and even redirect the kind of person you want to be.

Can I give you a little secret? Really, you don't have to be dependent on one of those external transition points in life to be able to do the same thing. You can, RIGHT NOW, regardless of where you are, re-evaluate and redirect the kind of person you want to be.

You DO GET TO DECIDE the kind of person you want to be. You do not have to be dependent on external circumstances, transition points in life, or anything outside of yourself to be able to change your perspective, your habits, your behaviors, and your attitudes.

That is the essence of everything I shared with Brock in his letter. So, here are four of the eight points that I wrote to him, in context of the question, "If I could go back to college and start that chapter of my life again, what kinds of things would I do differently?" Here are some of the things I would do differently, or do more of, or give more attention to:

1. I’d be more grateful, and I would express my thankfulness more often. As a college student, young adult, I felt like I was entitled to things. And I often didn’t appreciate where I was or what I had, instead I always wanted more and I would complain about what I didn’t have. The first key to success, I believe, is being grateful. Take time every day to express three things you are thankful for. It will change your outlook every day, and you will find so fewer things to complain about.

2. I’d make “working on myself” a priority. I know that this sounds counterintuitive to the biblical priority of "putting others first" and focusing on the well-being of others more than your own desires and needs. However, one thing I have learned is that if I’m not at my best, then I can’t be effective at helping other people. So, I have to make sure that I am getting better every day. And in order to make sure that’s happening, I have to have a plan. My plan includes a routine of things such as: reading every day, writing every day, praying every day, physical exercise (in some way) every day, intentionally seeking to learn something new every day, and intentionally seeking some way to help another person every day. Make a routine for yourself that prioritizes things that are going to make you a better person. And stick to it, every day.

3. I’d choose to hang out with more eagles and less turkeys. Sometimes in college I found myself hanging out with people who were not very ambitious, and likewise, I was one who was not always very ambitious. We were more like turkeys. There were eagles on campus, they were just fewer and harder to find than turkeys. Turkeys tend to come to you (even when you don’t want them around), but eagles have to be sought out carefully. Turkeys can't fly, they can't defend themselves, and they need to be fed and taken care of. Turkeys are a lot of work, they are high-maintenance. Eagles, on the other hand, have no natural enemies (nothing or no one eats eagles), they can fly and they can feed and care for themselves. They are highly regarded by everyone. No one messes with eagles. Not only do eagles fly, THEY SOAR. Eagles are self-sufficient. Eagles are winners. You will become more like the people you spend time with: eagles or turkeys. So, go find those eagles.

4. I would do as much as I possibly could… to be the best I could possibly be. If I am honest with myself, I would have to admit that I often did just enough to be pretty good. Today, at age 44, I am finding greater ambition to want to do BIG and GREAT things, and I now realize that in order to do big and great things, I have to do as much as I possibly can every day to be the BEST I can possibly be, especially in all of the little and seemingly insignificant things. Every time we choose to do less than we possibly can, in anything we are doing, we limit our possibilities—and we smother our potential. Possibilities increase tremendously when we are always doing everything we possibly can to be the best we can possibly be in any given moment or in any given task.

What does any of this have to do with coaching? I'll just say this, and try to make it as clear as I can... it has everything to do with it. Every person needs a coach, and so when you share these kinds of success principles with someone you are coaching them up. And regardless of the task at hand, or the sport of choice, and the game in progress or in preparation of, I promise you this... if you have a team of players who value the things I have just discussed, you will have a team that knows how to WIN. And it will be a joy to coach that team.

Let me also add this. You WON'T have a team that values any of those things (at least not for very long), if you aren't the kind of coach that values those things... and LIVE them out yourself. That's what I am trying to do. Will you join me?