Press Pause, Not Send

Did you happen to see the story about the Atlee Junior League softball team that was removed from the World Series championship game due to an inappropriate photo posted on social media? Six members of the team of 12-14 year-olds took a Snapchat photo in which all six of the girls were extending their middle finger. The caption read, "watch out host." This was apparently in response to the way the Atlee team felt it was being treated by the host team and the pic was taken before the game, which Atlee won. One of the girls pressed "send" and what may have been intended to be private, became very public, very quickly.

Here is the official statement from Little League® regarding Atlee's disqualification from the tournament:

“After discovering a recent inappropriate social media post involving members of Atlee Little League’s Junior League Softball tournament team, the Little League® International Tournament Committee has removed the Southeast Region from the 2017 Junior League Softball World Series for violation of Little League’s policies regarding unsportsmanlike conduct, inappropriate use of social media, and the high standard that Little League International holds for all its participants.”

I have read several different articles about this event and the wide range of responses, comments and arguments regarding the punishment. Warranted? Unwarranted? Too egregious? Just right? None of these are what I wish to discuss here. Instead, what I'd like to ponder for a moment is the act itself, and how to prevent it from occurring in the first place.

I like social media. I refer to it daily, and I post on it almost daily. In my life it has been extremely helpful and beneficial, and it has also been harmful and detrimental. And... I am not one who feels that because something such as social media can be used in harmful and inappropriate ways that it should be avoided altogether. Avoiding or ignoring the problem is not going to make it better.

Also, here in a minute, when I talk about the way things "used to be" I am not suggesting that the good ol' days were better days. We weren't better people because we didn't have handheld devices and social media. The issues are not the devices. The issues are not social media. We would have used them also if they would have been available to us back then.

When I was 16 years old I didn't need anyone to remind me that what I post or send "privately" to my friends could cost me something I have worked very hard for, such as a championship or a scholarship or a job... not to mention integrity, reputation and friendships. The reason I didn't need such advice is because I didn't even have the means or the opportunity to make the same mistakes. If I had, I would certainly have needed the same advice.

So, because kids today (and this is most certainly not just a KIDS problem) have the means and the opportunity, they need to be constantly reminded of how costly a single, momentary lapse in judgment can be. But even MORE IMPORTANTLY than just being reminded, they need to learn how to build the skill to be able to create the discipline that is required to be responsible with social media.

This is where I'd like to go with my thoughts on this subject. We give so many warnings with way too few solutions. This is why kids roll their eyes at adults sometimes. Because when we spout off a warning about something they enjoy participating in (such as Snapchat), they just assume we're out of touch and we're just giving them the "it was better in the good ol' days" speech again.

I understand the concern we all have. I understand the fear and the uneasiness regarding apps like Snapchat, which purports to be totally private and suggests that everything vanishes into thin air after a few seconds. It's not just the deception that apps like Snapchat feed people, it's the fundamental vision and objective that irritates me. Here is an actual paragraph copied and pasted from the Snapchat Privacy Policy:

Snapchat lets you capture what it’s like to live in the moment. On our end, that means that we automatically delete the content of your Snaps (the photo and video messages that you send your friends) from our servers after we detect that a Snap has been opened by all recipients or has expired.

The first sentence is part of the the root of the problem: "Snapchat lets you capture what it’s like to live in the moment."

But one thing Snapchat fails to mention in that sentence is this... "yet, not without consequences."

Living in the moment isn't always bad. Spontaneity can be freeing and refreshing at times. But living in the moment on a consistent basis, without respect for and understanding of the consequences of your words and actions, is simply foolish.

The very essence of Snapchat implies that you can feel free to do things in the moment that you might not do if you had some time to think and consider the consequences. And therein lies the difference with today's social media culture – the instantaneous nature of everything. Twenty years ago we didn't need to learn a skill that would help us to "pause" and consider the pros and cons of what we are about to do, such as take a photo of our 14 year-old selves giving a middle finger to another team and then posting it on social media.

What is needed is the skill to "press pause."

It's something we didn't need back then, not because we were better people, but because back then the photo may have indeed been taken but someone would have had to pay for the photo to be developed, then wait for them to finish, then go to the store to pick them up, etc... By the time we'd finally get to even see the photo we would have had plenty of time to reflect on our actions and realize how stupid it would be to make it public.

That was not a skill we had to learn. It was something we did only because we were forced to due to the lack of "living-in-the-moment" technology. We still made "live-in-the-moment" decisions. We just didn't have the kind of technology to give us "live-in-the-moment" consequences.

So today, what our kids need is not more warnings and fear and threats about social media. They need to learn the skills that will help them to build the discipline that is needed to PAUSE and consider the consequences of their "live-in-the-moment" decisions.

One of the greatest skills we can teach kids (and also adults, who are just as guilty on social media in many different ways) is to "PRESS PAUSE." Nothing on social media HAS to be done immediately, especially when there is emotion involved. Be able to recognize "red lights" – things that make you internally, maybe just for a split-second, question "is this right?" And as soon as that thought enters your mind, PRESS PAUSE.

With every action, every pic, every tweet, every post, every text, every snap... if we all would just do that – put it on hold – it will remove the impulsive emotion from the equation... and I guarantee we won't feel as strongly in 24-hours about what we were about to post. And, in many cases, there will be much less danger of losing a scholarship, a job opportunity, a reputation, and friendships.

Earlier I mentioned that Snapchat's suggestion that life could be lived in the moment without consequence was only part of the root of the problem. That's true. The photo that the Atlee girls softball team took and posted "in the moment" was only a symptom of a deeper rooted issue. Part of the root is that we have the means to express ourselves instantaneously without fear of consequence nor the skill to press pause and consider the consequence. But another root of the problem is that we would desire to behave negatively and impulsively.

You can press pause all you want, but if you don't believe that GOOD behavior is better than BAD behavior, then you will still make the unwise choice. If, while paused, there is nothing internally telling you to steer clear of negativity, to turn and go the other direction, to disassociate yourself from the problem, to let it pass, to not take things personally... then you will still be unable to see clearly and thus act with wisdom. You will still make foolish choices, and you will still live your life in the folly of the moment.

Likewise, as for the "privacy" factor of apps like Snapchat... Are you are okay with doing something "privately" that could devastate or destroy you should it become public? If so, please remember this – the essence of integrity and character is how do things things match up for you publicly and privately? What we do in the dark will eventually come to light. It always happens. Sometimes instantly (like the Atlee team), and sometimes it takes weeks, or years.

It takes years of effort, sweat, work and sacrifice to build something you've always dreamed of. It takes one second to lose it.

I will follow up in a future post about building the skill of pressing pause, and how I practically taught it to my baseball team. It is a skill that is needed for all areas of life, not just social media. And it can be an extremely valuable resource for success on the field as well as off the field.