What We Can Control
One of the greatest moments of growth for me as a coach (and as a person) was when I finally began to make the conscious decision to stop talking about and thinking about things that I had no control to change or influence. I had always known this to be a virtuous characteristic that the best coaches, teams and players possessed, yet I had never actually put it into practice myself. I knew that it did no good to allow my mind to dwell on things that were outside of my control, yet I still permitted my thoughts and my words to go to those places regularly. This habit is one of the most seriously hindering behaviors of any athlete, coach or team. This little thing can either make you or break you.
The huge point of growth for me was when I said, enough is enough! I will no longer be influenced negatively by things that I cannot control. I will no longer allow my mind and my mouth to enter into negativity and frustration because of something that is completely outside of my ability to make any effective change for the better. So, I suppose you can say that the first step was recognizing it was a problem and admitting to myself that I needed to take some very real and practical steps to change this behavior.
The first thing I did was make a list of as many things I could think of that neither I nor anyone else on our team could control. I literally wrote them down. The list included (but is not limited to):
the weather
field conditions
travel issues (such as bus arrival times)
umpires' decisions and calls
opponent's behavior
where the ball goes after we swing and hit it
the kind of play an opponent makes on a ball we hit
how hard or how slow the opposing pitcher throws
rules of the game (particularly the ones we think are silly)
anything that happens in the bleachers or outside our dugout
expectations of other people
These are just some of the things that will always be an issue in pretty much every game you play. Focusing on these things to the extent of allowing them to get a reaction out of you will do nothing but weaken your competitiveness and ultimately weaken your team.
I can remember making a conscious decision and commitment to stop talking about and thinking about these uncontrollable things. Now that I had identified what they were by writing them down, I could more easily recognize them whenever my mind was tempted to dwell on them. I would immediately grab the thought and kill it before it could grow into a verbal comment or outward display of frustration, which would subsequently start bringing down others on my team.
Negative thoughts and reactions to things outside our control are like a deadly virus in a dugout. Once one person starts focusing on and complaining about something, it then becomes easier for the next guy to start focusing on an uncontrollable and complain, and then the next guy, and so on and so forth, right on down the line... It absolutely kills team focus. And it kills competitiveness. Why? Because it creates one of the deadliest phenomena in the universe: an EXCUSE.
Dwelling on and complaining about something we have no control over is like saying, "I have an excuse for why I can't succeed." The more we do it, the less we succeed. It's that simple.
Once I made myself aware of an actual list of things that I could not control, it made my mind very conscious of those things whenever they would rear their ugly head in a game. I would then have a choice (something I could control)... to think about it and complain about it, or to ignore it and let it pass.
Ignoring things that you have no control to change does two really amazing things (these will be an immediate effect):
Relieves you of a ton of stress, because most stress is caused by worries or frustrations about things we cannot change.
Gives you a lot more time to focus your attention on the things that truly matter most – the things of which you actually do have control.
I want to be sure to emphasize this. I am not suggesting that the things we can't control don't matter at all. To think that way would be shallow, because we know we would only be trying to fool ourselves into believing something doesn't matter when we know that on some level it actually does.
But the point is this. Whether the uncontrollable matter is really significant or really small, the fact remains that it is out of your control. Which means, the fact remains that if you focus any amount of energy worrying about or complaining about that uncontrollable matter then what you have done is nothing but completely waste your energy, your time, your words, and your influence. Regardless of how much or how little that thing matters or troubles you... it was a waste.
Let's end this thought in a positive light. So then, what should we focus on whenever we start to recognize that an "uncontrollable" is fighting for and gaining some of our attention?
The obvious answer is, the things we know we CAN control. What are some of those things?
Attitude – Your mindset, whether positive or negative, is ALWAYS within your control. As much as we try to deny this, it simply is true that we always choose on our own how we are going to think about and respond to a certain scenario. We can be influenced positively or negatively by circumstances, but the only person who owns and is responsible for our attitude is ourselves. The sooner we embrace this truth, the sooner we begin to change for the better, and the sooner we stop blaming others, blaming circumstances, and making excuses for our own selfish and childish responses to things that upset us.
Effort and work ethic – No one controls how fast you run, how hard you throw, how determined you play, or how you go about your business. The one and only person who decides how fast you are going to run from Point A to Point B is YOU. The one and only person who decides how much preparation you are going to give is YOU. Effort and work ethic is 100% within our own control.
Reaction to events – No one is forcing you to react one way or the other. You have complete and total freedom to react positively, and if you choose to react negatively then remember, that was your choice. No one made you do that.
Rest and Diet – No one is force-feeding you. No one is making you stay up late and not get enough sleep. Even if you have a busy schedule, we all have things that we could eliminate or cut back in order to make room for more rest (i.e. social media, TV... turn off the electronic device for just one hour a day and see how much difference it makes in the amount of time you have; some of us don't even realize how much time we spend staring at a phone!). YOU are the one who is choosing the way your body feels and performs. It's amazing to think that this is something we have control over, yet this is one of the areas we so frequently give up control and then we get frustrated when we don't feel well or perform as well as we want. We have the power to change that.
Preparation – Our own preparation for the things we care about is always completely within our control. How we prepare, how much time we give to preparation, our focus during the preparation... it's all within my ability and control to determine.
Those are just a handful of things that fit in the "things I control" list. There are so many more things, like: enthusiasm, aggressiveness, attention and focus, words and language, discipline (yes, discipline is within YOUR OWN control... I'll write more on this later).
I am nowhere near perfect in this. I don't always recognize quickly enough when something irks me that is outside of my control. Sometimes I have to catch myself in mid-sentence, or mid-negative-reaction. But the key is to notice it... and when you do, press pause... and get better and better at it as you go.