What Really Matters?

Today I tweeted this question:

Just thought I'd elaborate a little bit. When I look back at my own experience and many car rides home from games, I am disappointed with the way I handled a good number of those. If I can use this blog as a way of sharing what I've learned from my own failures, then maybe (in some small way) it will help to create a better experience for those who happen to read it.

Let's talk about what it feels like in the car ride home when your child goes 4-for-4. I am guessing it's pretty positive. He feels good about himself. You feel very proud. You might even reward his great performance with ice cream or a milkshake. The team could have even lost the game, but deep down everyone in your car feels pretty good because of the 4-for-4 game (and you should feel good about it, I certainly don't want to take away any jubilation from a job well-done).

Now let's talk about what it feels like in the car ride home when your child goes 0-for-4. I am guessing it's pretty quiet. If he's a competitor, he probably feels bad about himself. He may even be starting to question himself or starting to doubt his ability. Going 0-4 feels like the end of the world. Feels like you not only let yourself down, but your team down, your coach down, and your family down.

Why does it feel that way? Why does it feel like he's let his family down?

Perhaps it is because we only celebrate success in terms of the number of base hits he gets? Or when he's pitching, by the number of strikeouts he records? Or when he's asked to play a different role that day (be a substitute), by the number of innings he was on the field?

Why does the climate change so drastically because of these factors? I'm not suggesting that we should all superficially act exactly the same after a player has had a bad game as we do when he or she has had a great game. I'm not suggesting that it's even realistic to assume he or she won't feel bad after a rough game.

What I am suggesting is, perhaps we need to consider new criteria for success, and allow that to control the climate and the conversation in our car on the way home. For example, he may have gone 0-4 that day, but how did he react after striking out? Did he hustle back to the dugout and calmly put his helmet and bat down? How did he run out ground balls and popups? Did he sprint them out as hard as he could? How did he pick up his teammates throughout the game? Did he have good approaches to his at-bats?

Set aside the common "numbers-based" measurements for success... the REAL criteria for the climate in the car ride home is: how did he play the game?

Those intangibles are what really matters, especially in the long run. Your child can't control whether or not he goes 0-4 or 4-4. He can't control what happens after he hits the ball. But he CAN control how hard he tries. And dads... THAT should be our only focus on the way home. His attitude and his effort are so much more valuable than his stats. And you can teach him that at a very young age by championing and celebrating those things, regardless of whether or not he went 4-4 or 0-4.

I didn't get this until recently (about a year ago, when Brock was 17 and Kaylee 15). But we're never too old to learn and it's never too late to change.